How do singles deal with loneliness and isolation overseas?
Are single women missionaries accepted in third-world countries? Married women without children?
What are women allowed to do on the mission field?
» more related questionsQ: Should I be a single missionary or should I find a mate and then go?
A: God values and uses singles and marrieds.
We need to recognize that the Apostle Paul recommended singleness in 1 Corinthians 7 ("he who refrains from marriage will do better" - v. 38). Missionary statesman John Stott opted for singleness so as to be able to give himself more fully to the ministry. He saw this as a personal direction from the Lord, not a pattern for all. Viv Grigg, called to minister in the slums, noted the difficulty of raising a family in such a context.
On the other hand, most missionaries have been married and undoubtedly the majority, if not most, would testify that it has been "an incredible blessing" to be married and raise a family on the mission field. The Christian family needs modeling. Paul's command for husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands is a universal that fits into any culture. My wife, Mary Anne, and I lived for 17 years in a large house in Bogotá, Colombia that was a student center. We lived on the second floor and prayed that our relationship to each other and as a family would be a positive illustration.
Single ladies who desire marriage face a statistical challenge: single women who remain on the mission field usually don’t marry.
One way to face this issue is through God’s sovereignty. God calls us to follow Him, and among the promises He makes is His presence (“I will never leave you nor forsake you”) and to supply our needs (for which He says His grace is sufficient). He does not promise us spouses. However, if He considers that a spouse is truly is our need, He is well able to supply us with one. But risky business from a purely human perspective.
Interestingly enough, I have known cases of single women who have “found husbands” while being career missionaries, and at least one who stayed in the U.S. afraid that she would not find a husband as a missionary, and though she is an attractive women, never has married (she is 50 now).
On the other hand, most missionaries have been married and undoubtedly the majority, if not most, would testify that it has been "an incredible blessing" to be married and raise a family on the mission field. The Christian family needs modeling. Paul's command for husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands is a universal that fits into any culture. My wife, Mary Anne, and I lived for 17 years in a large house in Bogotá, Colombia that was a student center. We lived on the second floor and prayed that our relationship to each other and as a family would be a positive illustration.
Single ladies who desire marriage face a statistical challenge: single women who remain on the mission field usually don’t marry.
One way to face this issue is through God’s sovereignty. God calls us to follow Him, and among the promises He makes is His presence (“I will never leave you nor forsake you”) and to supply our needs (for which He says His grace is sufficient). He does not promise us spouses. However, if He considers that a spouse is truly is our need, He is well able to supply us with one. But risky business from a purely human perspective.
Interestingly enough, I have known cases of single women who have “found husbands” while being career missionaries, and at least one who stayed in the U.S. afraid that she would not find a husband as a missionary, and though she is an attractive women, never has married (she is 50 now).
A: Surrender to God your desire for marriage.
I was afraid that I would not meet anyone I could marry and that I would remain single if I stayed overseas for any length of time. I wrestled with this issue and finally read a book that I had known about but had been avoiding, Single and Satisfied . I was not sure I wanted to be satisfied with being single! But reading it did the trick. I became convinced that if God wanted me to be single He would be all that I needed and I would be satisfied. On the other hand, if God did have a man in my plan, then He would bring about our meeting and I didn’t need to worry about it. I figured that the latter was highly unlikely given where I would be serving, so I surrendered to Him my desire to marry, which had been strong since I was a young girl. I would go, even if it meant remaining single.
Three weeks after that I met a young, single missionary named Jerry at a planning meeting for a high school outreach. This event would feature our singing group in a camp setting, and he was on the camp board. He was 29 and had been serving in Korea for a number of years. He was fairly sure the Lord was also asking him to be single, though his real heart’s desire was to be married. When we met we discovered our mutual love for the Lord and call to serve in Korea. We immediately were interested in each other and recognized that God had brought us together. We found that as we were each following God’s plan individually, His plan for us to serve together in Korea as a married couple came together.
Excerpted from pp. 105ff in the book Scaling the Wall: overcoming obstacles to missions involvement by Kathy Hicks.
Three weeks after that I met a young, single missionary named Jerry at a planning meeting for a high school outreach. This event would feature our singing group in a camp setting, and he was on the camp board. He was 29 and had been serving in Korea for a number of years. He was fairly sure the Lord was also asking him to be single, though his real heart’s desire was to be married. When we met we discovered our mutual love for the Lord and call to serve in Korea. We immediately were interested in each other and recognized that God had brought us together. We found that as we were each following God’s plan individually, His plan for us to serve together in Korea as a married couple came together.
Excerpted from pp. 105ff in the book Scaling the Wall: overcoming obstacles to missions involvement by Kathy Hicks.
A: Stay single and be a missionary to Muslims.
Muslim women in Central Asia have minimal formal Islamic practices but many folk Islamic practices. From my experience, I can say that being single in Muslim Ministry is great! Why? First, we get to bond with the culture in incredible ways. For example, I lived with a local family for the first six months and became their "daughter,” attending every family event and holiday. Our singleness allows for flexibility and mobility to dive into the culture in a deep way.
A: Go as a single and trust God with your desire for marriage.
I learned to trust God with my future relationships. I want to have a family of my own, and this became an obstacle along the way. While I was preparing to go on the mission field, a friend I greatly admired told me that he liked me and wanted to get to know me better. We shared our plans and visions for the future. I thought, “Oh, this must be the man God will give me as a partner in life and in ministry since we have common goals and visions.” But God later showed that He had different plans for each of us, so it was not to be. Again, I needed to follow God’s leading in faith, and, again, I was reminded that He who has called me knows my needs.
In my desire for a lifetime partner I have learned to have faith that the Lord knows best. Psalm 139 has been a great encouragement to me to this day. Verses 16 to 18 strongly encourage me not to worry about anything, for a faithful, sovereign Father and God will show Himself to be true. He does not make mistakes. Understanding more about Him and His ways has made me more certain about my future. Even though it is still unknown to me, He has it well planned. I just need to wait on Him in faith, not relying on my own ways and understanding.
Excerpted from pp. 123ff. in the book Scaling the Wall: overcoming obstacles to missions involvement by Kathy Hicks of Operation Mobilization http://www.usa.om.org , published by Authentic Media. Order the book online http://tinyurl.com/uc9d
In my desire for a lifetime partner I have learned to have faith that the Lord knows best. Psalm 139 has been a great encouragement to me to this day. Verses 16 to 18 strongly encourage me not to worry about anything, for a faithful, sovereign Father and God will show Himself to be true. He does not make mistakes. Understanding more about Him and His ways has made me more certain about my future. Even though it is still unknown to me, He has it well planned. I just need to wait on Him in faith, not relying on my own ways and understanding.
Excerpted from pp. 123ff. in the book Scaling the Wall: overcoming obstacles to missions involvement by Kathy Hicks of Operation Mobilization http://www.usa.om.org , published by Authentic Media. Order the book online http://tinyurl.com/uc9d
A: Singleness in Missions
I'm sure there are great benefits to being single, as well as being married in ministry. I have been a single missionary for 15 years but God paired me with another female minister. This is how God has always sent us out. It's also Biblical. So God can also provide a same sex ministry partner for you, because two creates greater power and you will not be lonely. I praise God for what He's given me in my ministry partner. We are true sisters and are closer than I am with my own twin sister. :-) Whatever your situation, God has what you desire. God spoke to me of late, that He has a mate for me. So if you desire a mate, He's put that desire in your heart and will provide. Wait on God and don't make your mate your focus. Be blessed! Rev Helen/USA.
