Q: How does a male, non-medical spouse fit in who raises the children? My wife is a healthcare professional and we want to serve overseas long term.

My wife is a Pediatrician at the hospital and I am a non medical person. I do want to say from the start that both of us have been called to Missionary work. Even before we came to the field I was a stay home dad and looked after the kids. I did some work part time but we felt that it was our God given responsibility to take care of the children that the Lord had blessed us with. When we came to Papua New Guinea in 2001 we still had 1 child that was not in school. Currently both of our kids are in the Missionary Kids School here in PNG. I look at my role as the role of an enabler. I do most of the cooking for the family, I do the shopping and town related stuff. I look after the things around the house that a guy would do. I even do laundry although I will add that I do not like to fold laundry. We live on a hospital compound and there are other doctors and families around us. Being a part of a compound setting means that there are other things that come up that I do. Being the only male on the compound that does not have a specific job that puts me in the hospital or in an office during the day, this enables me to make airport runs or town runs if volunteers who come for a short period of time, need to go shopping. Both of our kids (ages 11 and 14) are in school and I do try to be home when school is out.

Some of the jobs that I am involved with are Radio Ministry, I oversee the 3 programs that we produce for radio stations to play. My Director of Radio Ministry runs the day to day ministry and I am in an advisory role. I do other communication types of things, write articles, take pictures of events and things that take place here in PNG. I guess I am the unofficial historian, if you will. I am involved with the Spiritual Life Committee for the mission family here. Our MK School is on our compound and we have volunteer teachers who come and teach. For 5 years I was the PE instructor for the kids at school. One of our single doctors has done PE the last couple of years and since their term is coming to a close I will probably be picking up PE again. Our mission station has 2 vehicles and I look after one of those. At one time or another I have been involved with our maintenance department here on the compound. There are other things that come up along the way, day to day that I am apart of.

My wife and I are a team, we both feel this is where the Lord wants us for this moment in time. She does her part and I do my part to enable the team to function and do what God has called us to do. Two things that I feel I need to share at this time, one, depending on your situation, you may feel like "are people thinking that I should be doing more?" You know the call God has placed on your life and what He is asking you to do, you must be comfortable with that, and to a point, not care what others think. Two, you only have your kids with you for a short time and then they are gone. Our former Field Director ,Verne Ward, a few years back encouraged me by saying that if I ever felt that I was putting too much time into Radio, it would be alright to pull back a little in order to make time for my wife and kids. To this day I really appreciated his support of me and my family. As Godly parents it is our responsibility to train up our children in the ways of our Lord. Please understand that there are still days when I sometimes struggle with one aspect or another.

My background is 23 years on the compound of a large mission hospital in rural Kenya, East Africa. There were many missionary families over those years, only one of which was the mother the only medical professional (as best I remember). I have not attempted to connect you with them, as the father played an equally important role in the ministry. He was not a full-time caretaker of their children. My perspective is quite limited so please receive this as the bias of a rural experience in Eastern Africa.

I don't know where you will be in Africa, but there is a high probability that a father acting as main caretaker of the children will be seen as quite unusual. In my experience, gender roles were strictly defined and child care was the responsibility of the mother. It is less so in the urban areas but still there. That said, even in the poorest areas, there are older children (usually relatives) who help with the children. The activities of daily living require assistance — long distances are traveled to get water for the family and long hours are spent in the field or making sure the animals don't stray. Even preparing food takes a long time as the maize must be ground before the meal is cooked. Your tasks will be different but you will be amazed at how much longer it takes just to live life daily.

Unless you have spent time with missionaries from the field, you might not yet understand how important having help in the house will be. Everything takes longer — cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands — everything. If you have a baby in diapers, just think about laundering diapers. Unless you are in a big city, it will be very difficult to keep enough disposable diapers on hand — if they are even available and affordable.

The need of having someone to help with household tasks leads to the issue of gender of that help, something that you will have to be very careful about. Finding a young African man who will be willing to help launder diapers will be a challenge. However, at least half the household helpers on our compound, helping with cleaning and food preparation, were men.

So while the father staying home specifically to take care of the children will be unusual, it should not discourage you from going. As everywhere, your attitude toward it and the traditions of the people you go to serve will be the most important. If you as a family decide this is what the Lord has for you, He will certainly supply the grace. You will find Africans are very gracious people!

That said, here is a sidebar from me. I know child rearing is near the top of God's priorities for parents. But my personal belief is that unless you also find an avenue for ministry there is a high probability that you will always have a sense of dissatisfaction/being unfulfilled. That is something that God places in the heart of those he places in missions. That may be something as simple as a Bible study for the male household helpers around you or some of the male staff at the clinic/hospital. Let me also suggest that you will want to find a way to help others around you. Can you teach some type of skill — as an example, some new type of vegetables that the local community has not yet learned to value — something that can improve their life?

This is simply my perspective. Your situation will undoubtedly be different. The one thing I can promise is that the grace of the Lord is sufficient! Hang on, you are about to have the ride of your life. It will be so much more than you can even imagine!